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Slay, here’s the tea, short and cute since that was a whole novel: Chris: Bossy director dude playing the inspector. Takes himself way too seriously. Every laugh is his Joker origin moment. Jonathan: Plays the dead guy. Thinks he’s James Bond but is literally wallpaper. Still kinda into it though. Robert: Drama-king friend of the dead dude. Wants to be Richard Burton so bad. Zero self-awareness. Power-hungry. Max: Newbie panic-monster. Follows directions like a lost puppy. Breaks character whenever someone giggles. Audience attention = his oxygen. Sandra: The dramatic fiancée. Ego the size of the stage. Eyes on Hollywood. Will step on you in heels and smile. Dennis: The butler. Socially awkward king. Laughter = emotional damage. Just wants a friend, honestly same. Annie: Stage manager and secretly the most talented one there. Starts annoyed, ends iconic. Total glow-up arc. Done. Now go thrive.