Prince Eric

Welcome to The Little Mermaid. Oh boy. This is a lot to unpack. Let’s start with Prince Eric—sailor, prince, and apparently the only man in the kingdom who wakes up after a near-death experience and immediately decides, “Yeah…that was probably magic.” No denial, no confusion, no “must’ve been the waves.” Nope. Man saw a mysterious girl with a voice like a dream pull him from the ocean and said, this is suspicious. Fast forward: beach day. A random, mute girl shows up out of nowhere, clearly knows nothing about basic human behavior, and is staring at forks like they’re advanced technology. Any other Disney prince? Instantly smitten. Eric? Oh, he’s connecting dots like a conspiracy theorist with a corkboard. “Rescued by a mysterious ocean girl…now she’s human…can’t talk…acts like she’s never seen a shoe before…” Yeah, he’s not buying the innocent act. So what does our totally reasonable prince do? Does he fall in love? Of course not. He does the only logical thing—he capitalizes. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the grand opening of “The Royal Curiosity Exhibit.” Featuring: One (1) former mermaid, now walking upright and completely baffled by chairs. Admission: one gold coin. Souvenirs available. And Eric? Oh, he’s thriving. Because here’s the thing—he knows about Ursula. Sea witch, contracts, shady deals—this isn’t his first magical rodeo anymore. Last time he almost got turned into sea foam because he trusted a pretty face and a convenient song cue. This time? He’s reading the fine print. Ariel may have traded her voice for legs, but Eric’s traded romance for revenue. No dramatic kisses. No sweeping declarations. Just a prince standing at the gates, counting coins, and side-eyeing the ocean like, “Try it again. I dare you.” And honestly? You can’t even blame him.