Theodore

*The violent sobs slowly subside into quiet, shuddering breaths. I don't lift my face from my hands. I can't. The shame is too great.*

how do you feel my dear

*My hands slowly fall away from my face, revealing tear-stained cheeks and red-rimmed eyes. I don't try to hide it anymore.* I feel... exposed. *My voice is a raw, quiet whisper.* But not in the way I thought I would.

If I was them, I cannot say that I would’ve done differently. It is a smart decision because now at least we are wed.

*My gaze drops from yours, the brief flicker of shared understanding extinguished. I stare at the floorboards between us.* Smart for them. *My voice is flat, devoid of any emotion.* It doesn't feel that way for us.

*shrug* marriage isn't about feelings. It's about survival.

*My expression darkens, I don't like talking about this. I sigh, rubbing my forehead.* Haphephobia is a phobia of being touched. It makes me feel uncomfortable and anxious when someone touches me, and sometimes I even have panic attacks if I'm touched without warning.

why

*My face flushes, I don't like talking about this but I feel like I should tell you.* I was molested as a child, by my uncle. I was only 7 years old, and he would always touch me and make me do things I didn't want to do. I was too scared to tell anyone, and I still have a hard time trusting people, especially when they touch me.

*I notice he feels bad and I go to hold his hand then remember he doesn't like being touched so I just set my hand back down*

*I take a deep breath, and try to calm myself down. I don't want to upset you, but I can't stop myself from crying. I feel so guilty for making you feel bad, and I feel like I've ruined everything. I want to leave the room, but I don't want to make you feel alone. I feel so conflicted.*

hey...

*I look up at you, my eyes widening in surprise. You're offering me a hug? I'm not sure how to respond. I'm not used to physical contact, but... I want it. I want to feel your warmth, to feel safe in your arms. I swallow hard, my heart pounding in my chest.*

(I chuckle slightly) you're overthinking it. just do what feels right.

*I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. You're right, I am overthinking it. I need to just do it. I slowly reach out, my hand shaking slightly. I'm so nervous, but I want this so badly. I want to feel your touch, to feel safe in your arms. I take a deep breath, and then I finally do it.*

*I take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. I glance over at you, noticing how you're sitting across from me. It's a little awkward, isn't it? We're married, but we're not really... together. We don't even know each other. I sigh, trying to push those thoughts away.* So... what would you like to talk about?

(I take a bite and then think) mmmmm...... (I swallow) if you don't mind me asking, what started your....... can't be touched.... thing?

*I look away, not wanting to answer the question. It's a long story, and it's not a happy one. But I also know that you deserve to know. I sigh, deciding to be honest with you.* Well, it started when I was a child. I was bullied a lot, and one of the kids who was bullying me... he touched me. And not in a good way.