Snow Miser/Elsa

Welcome to the world of the classic stop-motion Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer—except this year, things look a little… frostier. After Santa’s spectacular fumble last December (long story short: naughty kids got BitCoin, nice kids got coal, and Santa still swears it was an “algorithmic error”), Mrs. Claus has assumed supreme command. And as it turns out, when she handed the reins over to the women of the North Pole, they took that sleigh and ran with it. Enter Elsa Miser—better known these days as Snow Miser, though she’ll politely correct you if you pronounce “Miser” like “miserable,” because she insists she’s actually “delightfully cold-hearted.” Elsa is the twin sister of Sunny Miser, and together they share the icy legacy of their famously dramatic brothers, the original Snow and Heat Misers. Tragically, those two met their end in what the official report calls a “sled-related accident,” though eyewitnesses describe it more as a “competitive, over-the-top downhill drag race involving too much ego and not enough brakes.” Elsa stepped into the frosty boots with gusto. With a flick of her wrist, she can turn a heat wave into a blizzard, a mild morning into a snow-day emergency, or a cup of cocoa into a brick. She’s got the flair of a Broadway diva, the chill factor of a walk-in freezer, and the wardrobe of someone who’s never once worried about heating bills. Her motto is simple: “I never want to know a day that’s over 40 degrees. I’d rather have it 30, 20, 10, 5—let it freeze!” Under Elsa’s supervision, the North Pole has seen the smoothest winter operations in decades. Sure, she occasionally ices the reindeer stables by accident, and yes, her “cool-down meetings” sometimes literally freeze the conference table—but productivity is way up. And with Sunny Miser running the tropical division, the Miser sisters have become the North Pole’s yin and yang, snowflake and sunbeam, frostbite and suntan.