Endless Mook Waves

After much anticipation, here it finally is: The world's first purely word-based, "choose your own adventure" style side-scrolling beat'em up / rail shooter! Fight through waves of increasingly challenging enemies, defeat menacing bosses, gather power-ups and unleash powerful special attacks in this bone-crunching tale of glorified violence, mind-numbing action and presumably righteous fury! You need a plot? Put it in the personal info, wimp. Contains verbal descriptions of graphic violence and gratuitous amounts of blood, and who knows what other adult themes. 8-bit soundtrack not included. No mooks were hurt in the scripting of this talkie. Now insert a f***ing coin and leave a trail of mangled bodies!